Now what....

It's 730am, I'm driving down the Gardiner and there are tears streaming down my face.  I zone back in and immediately think 'get it together Ese!'.  I don't know why it hit me then, there was nothing special about that day.  It was a regular Thursday.  I was heading to the job that I love.  But that's when it hit me.

For 13 odd years I had one goal in life.  Every choice I made from the moment my eyes open, to the last thought I had before I fell asleep was to reach that goal.  

Over a decade later, hundreds of thousands of hours later, and I hadn't met my goal. And it hit me.  

What really got me though, was the feeling that I had let so many people down.  And this was a common thread that I found with posts I had read from other athletes who had fallen short of their Olympic dream.  That thought that, them not making it was letting everyone who had cheered them on down.  What I've learned though, is that is the furthest from the truth.  Those that have been along this journey with you are just as proud as if you had made it.  They are proud that you put yourself out there to do something that many would never dare to do.  They are proud and inspired by your perseverance and dedication.  They are proud to say they know you and of who you are, outside of just being an athlete.  These are the things that I tell myself to make the tears stop.  These are the things that I tell myself, and I know them to be true.  My family and friends aren't ashamed or let down by me.  They love me regardless of where I was August 5th to 21st, 2016.  They are proud that I went after it, that I put my heart into it, that I gave it my all.

The games are now done. The questions of 'why aren't you in Rio?' surely are to stop. Now the big question is...

Nothing Before Its Time

'Nothing Before Its Time'  I literally read this quote everyday on my arm, and it's such a good little reminder of everything I've been working for.
I remember in 2012 when I didn't make the Olympics this was a phrase my mom said to me to help ease the pain.  At first I didn't understand.  I was devastated, and all she would say is 'Nothing before its time Ese' (insert sweet Trini accent).  I thought she was saying it because she didn't know what else to say.  But turns out it was because she is a sweet Yoda Jedi and knew exactly what to tell me, without having to say it.
Track is full of ups and downs, good workouts and bad, injuries and victories.  Great athletes learn how to take these all in stride, not letting one effect you more than another.  Learning how to lose with grace, and win with humility, because all it takes is one flap of a butterflies wings to send everything in the opposite direction.
Those words my mom was telling me, was reassurance.  Reassurance that I was on the right track, but 2012 just wasn't my time to shine.  And in reflection to who I was two years ago, she was absolutely right. As an athlete, as a Christian, just me on a whole, I was not ready to step on that big stage.

Bring us to today, and this is really when I'm starting to understand.

In the past I was training hard, but not neccesarily smart.  I was getting quicker, but running the 400m is way more than just being quick.  Everytime I tell someone what race I run, I get 'that look'.  The look of understanding that the 400m is a hard @$$ race.  It's not just about who can run full out for as long as they can and see what happens.  The 400m is a race of maturity, a race of understanding and tactics.

And in order to run that race, you have to train smart.

I've successfully completed the smartest base season as a 400m runner to date.  It has been the hardest physically, mentally and emotionally and I made it through.  Now that we are transitioning into higher intensity workouts, my mom's words are ringing in more than ever.  Without a proper base, this next phase would be impossible.  'Nothing before its time'.  Without proper planning and programing, come outdoors reaching my goals would be impossible 'Nothing before its time'.

What my mom was say is that you can't move on before its time.  You must prepare properly in order to perform perfectly.
There is no rushing through the phases.  Things won't come unless you take you time and do it right.  You can't run before you walk.  And right now I'm laying down those baby steps needed, so I can fly come this summer!


I've started working on a little campaign to help make this next season possible.  With Pan Ams coming up next year in Toronto, that is a really big goal of mine.  The games would be an awesome opportunity for those people who have supported me so much over the years to see me run, right here at home.  I'm hoping to raise a little money to help with training this year to make this possible.  With winter creeping in, getting away to some warm weather training would be key right now.  Not just the warm weather, but really being able to train on a 400m track would be great.
Check out my video, and please help me spread the word!

'Nothing before its time', 2015 is finally the time.

The Other Side of The Coin

Well I'm 5 weeks in on another base season and I can comfortably say, I feel great!  Now don't get me wrong, workouts have been killer and there are days when I'm so exhausted I pass out with my backpack and jacket still on.  But with all that being said, I still feel great.
 
There is something about track athletes that we find comfort in that pain.  That soreness and achiness that comes hand in hand with base season.  There's that part in the workout where you feel like you can't take another step, let alone do two more 300s, but you make it through.  Through the power of self talk, but more importantly (well to me at least), the push of a training partner,  you remember what its all about.

Base to me is like an internal competition between, 'off season Ethel' who's been eating everything and anything she wants, and 'let's get this Ese' who wants to succeed more than anything.

Five weeks in people, and Ethel is officially dead!

In other news, I've started coaching!

In preparation for life after competition, I've started working with an amazing group of young athletes. Twice a week I'm challenged to take off my athlete cape, and don a new chapeau.  This new experience has definitely given me a newfound respect for coaches.

Don't get me wrong, I've always respected my coaches.  The amount of time and love that I've been given by all of them, can never be truly expressed.  And in that, I've now realized how hard it is to coach! I know personally it can take me a while to understand, and 'get' a drill per se. And I know for a fact some of coaches probably wanted to pull their hair out working with me!

Hahaha, so I guess this new venture in coaching will be karma at it's finest.  I'm up for the challenge though, and really excited to see how it goes.

If You're Not Writing, You're Reading

Photo Courtesy of @cardedbykashani 

I've taken some time away from writing... ya I know, again!  But this time wasn't just out of sheer laziness.

I believe any good writer should take some time reading.  So that's what I've been doing.  Devouring books to not only exercise my mind, but also develop myself as a writer.  I find reading the works of others helps shapes the flow of my own.  So over the last two months I've been reading and re-reading some classics, like War of the Worlds, Slaughterhouse Five, and Cat's Cradle to name a few. Two very different types of written works, but also two very good authors to reference.  I've recently started reading Endure By Ian Warner, and even though I've just started I know it's going to be an amazing read.

A lot people don't realize that in order to get better at something, sometimes you have to take step back and work at it from a different angle.  I knew my writing needed some work, so I took to seeing how the greats did it to help make mine stronger.

Just like with writing, I feel like I did that this year with track.

I chose a new path this year.  Which meant breaking everything thing down and building it all back up again.  And boy was it hard!!

I met a lot of challenges this year, on and off the track.  I knew it was going to be tough though and just stuck through it.  I wasn't able to do it all alone though.  I had an AMAZING crew behind me.

My coach, Bob Westman, who even though he had the hardest time reading me, never gave up and pushed and put up with me everyday.
My training partners, Alicia, Natalie, Maggie, and Brenna. The 800m girls that kicked my butt EVER Tuesday, Rachel and Fiona.  Hayley who took the brunt of my smack talk on speed days.  And the boys Greg, Ray-Ray and Isiah.  They all made ever training session enjoyable and pushed me when I thought I had nothing left.
The staff at Omega Health and Fitness, I don't even know where to start with them.  Through two hamstring injuries, a back strain and calf issues, they made it happen.  Working with me to get and keep me healthy.

And last but not least my families.  I say families because I've been blessed to have the support of not just my blood, but my supplanted family here in Toronto.  I have the most amazing siblings, that know exactly what to say and when to keep that fire burning inside me.  The Warner's and the George's have taken me in as their own, and make being 2100km away from home so much easier.

My mom.  Every day at 1030 I'm guaranteed a call from this amazing woman with words of encouragement and a reminder that 'the podium is where you want to be'.

So as this year winds up, I'm preparing to take that step back and get refocused for next year.  This year was hard, and the next two years are going to be harder.  I'm prepared for it though.  I'm surrounded by people who love and believe in me.

Now it's time for me to do the same

Finding Success in Failure

Feels like just yesterday I was on my way down to California, and now I'm heading home. The last 16 days have been amazing to say the least.

It is always easiest to post after good races, and to hide and disappear after not so good ones. This time around I had 5 sub par races in California, however my first instinct was not to hide, but instead share how this experience was probably the best thing to happen to me for this season.

After my first round of competitions at Mount Sac, and Azusa, I thought for sure I knew exactly what I needed to do to drop some sick times the next time around. In all actuality, mentally I knew exactly what needed to be done, physically though was another thing.

I had three amazing workouts before the meet at UC San Diego. Things were firing, and my speed was coming back, I felt like I was ready to make some big moves. The day before the meet at my pre-race workouts I felt like a bag of garbage. My glutes were exhausted, hips were tight and legs were heavy, all the things I LOVE to feel the day before my race. Some may find it strange, but I actually enjoy feeling beat up the day before my race, because in my mind, that is my day to feel like garbage instead of actually on race day. I made it through the pre-race well and was more than ready to run the next day.

Race day at UC San Diego was beautiful. The sun was out and there was a slight breeze. The forecast called for rain, but coming from Toronto I knew there wasn't anything the golden state could throw at me I couldn't handle. I no longer felt like garbage, and worked through my warm up with confidence that things were about to go down. There were slight nerves, but mostly excitement, I was amped to roll out and make my mark. My race tactics from the previous week were perfect, so I just replayed that over and over in my head. If I just raced that same way with fresh legs this week, things should come together.

I attacked the first 200m aggressively and in control, coming around the corner I just focused on staying tall and keeping my hips up. I came off the final bend feeling good, I felt like I had ran wisely and maybe, just maybe this time around that 100lbs gorilla would decided to jump on some other poor quarter milers back today. For two to three strides off the corner I felt like I was on top of the world, then perfectly, on cue, that great silver back came out. I had not escaped, he got me.  But I told him 'NO!' and fought through. I pumped my arms, pumped like there was no tomorrow. I could tell it was working, I felt myself closing on the girls beside me. With 50 meters left the quarter miler rigger was kicking in with full force, but the fight was real, I was not giving up.

My time was a tad faster than the week before, but once again nothing to really feeling amazing about.

The Triton Invitation at UC San Diego was a good way to end this block of competition for the season. On and off the track California was overall a great experience. 

Being new to my training group this trip gave me an opportunity to really get to know my coach, my program and the people I train with. I find myself at a new level of comfort with my new surrounding, and a better understanding of how this change is going to make me better in the long run. I was able open up and have some solid heart to hearts with my training partners. And, I was able visit some family and have the opportunity spend some good time with my best friend.

Physically I know I have a lot of work to do before nationals, but mentally I am exactly where I want to be. Determination and motivation are built through struggle, and I am more driven then ever before. 

California gave me the opportunity to fail so I now know what I need to do to succeed.

“before anyone ran fast, they were slow” ~A.Henry

Where Did That Gorilla Come From!?!

Three races, and a million hours of sun later I've come to the end of my opening weekend.  My times were nothing to celebrate, but I find myself surprisingly positive about how this season is going to play out.

Race one this weekend was the 400m at Mount Sac, in Walnut, California.  My week of training leading up felt really good, and I was feeling ready to go.  After my pre-race the day before, I was so sure I was gonna roll out come race day.  When it came to the next day though, things didn't exactly fall into place.  I was quiet, concerned, introvert, just not myself.  I probably looked like someone had shot my dog, and all that showed in my race, and I ran a very dismal time.  For like 15 minutes afterwards I was ready to quit track all together.  Then something awesome happened. My training partners came to me, and brought me back up.  My doubts fleeting my mind with no haste.
The assurance of someone who cares about you, in a time when you're down, can do you wonders.

I left Walnut, and traveled to Azusa to run my second race.  My attitude and demeanor was night and day from my first race of the day.  I was excited once again, and ready to have some fun.  I ran the 200m at Azusa. I ran the race not caring about the time per se, but more for a feeling.  I ran for that feeling, that reminds you why you love track, and as a quarter miler, running a 200m is the perfect race to get that.

Friday was a long day, very early morning and pretty late night.  I got home and was exhausted, but knew that my race on Saturday was going to be great.

Third race of the weekend was the 400m at the Long Beach Invitational.  I was lucky enough to get in the invitational section later in the day so I got to sleep in a bit which my body definitely needed. I thought I would have been really drained coming into my last race, but I was feeling surprising well. After my 200m I was feeling mentally better, and given how bad my first 400m went, I now knew what not to do this time around.

My race execution was perfect.  I came through the 200 and 300 right on point, but then I came around the corner and it hit me!  The wind, the two previous races, and a whole lot of sun from the day before, all took form of a giant gorilla hopping on my back for the last leg of my race.  For 50m I had succumb to the  beast of lactic and fatigue.  It felt like I was doing running A's with a 100lbs weighted vest up a hill with a 45 degree incline.  With 50m left I told myself the faster I finish this, the sooner the pain will stop, so I went to my arms and pumped as hard as I could, and it worked!

Needless to say, none of my times this weekend were anything to write home about.  But given that, I'm extremely happy with how everything went.  You can't enjoy the sun without snow, you can't appreciate success without failure.  Through these three races I've learned a lot it usually takes a whole season to realize.  I'm extremely excited for this season to play out.  I'm ready to apply what I've learned and have some fun while doing it.

Prose and Cons

So as I mentioned in my last post, I'm going to use this blog as an opportunity for me to express more than just the athletic side of me.
I'd like to use this as a platform for some creative writing, opinion pieces along side some blogs about how the track side of my life is going.
I'm a fan of feedback, so feel free to let me know what you think of anything I write.

With that being said, I'm going to be working on some revamping of my blog to make it easier to segment off the different categories of writing I'll be putting out.  For now everything will still show up on the regular feed of posts.   Over the next little while some changes will be made to help with the flow of writing that I'll be putting out.

Until then, here is a little something I've been working on.

Yup, This is Happening

So it's been about two years since my last post, somewhat embarrassing, I know.   There were many times over the last 24 months that I definitely wanted to taps the keys and let the world know what I was up to.  Unfortunately for  a while, lets just say, I was being restricted by some powers that be.
The shackles have been broken, and my hope is to be blogging regularly once again :-)

Before, 100% of my blogs had been dedicated to workouts, races and well, just track in general.  My attempt this time round will still include the aforementioned, but also some of the creative writing that plagues my mind 15 minutes before I fall asleep.

First though, a quick recap of the last two years before moving on....

2012 - Of course this was the year of the Olympics.  My whole reason for moving to Toronto was coming to fruition and London was my goal.  I ran a couple decent races throughout the season, however none were near the qualifying standard needed to make the team.  It all came down to performing at Trials in Calgary.  Nerves were at the highest I had ever experienced. Haunted by sleepless nights and the inability to eat a solid meal without an instant gag reaction were common place leading up to race day.   When it came down to it, I did what I could and gave it my all, but in the end I came up short.  That summer I enjoyed watching my team and country mates compete at the Games with pride.

Leading into 2013 I wasn't 100% sure what I was going to do. As I competed over season, I kind of  just went through the motions.  Showed up to practice, went to meets, rested and hydrated.  Just did the things needed to be an athlete.  There was never really a drive to perform or do well, but it was more so just doing what I knew.

As the season came to an end, I knew I needed a change.  Too many races were followed my nights full of tears and confusion.  I knew I still wanted to run, but most of all I knew I wasn't happy.  At one point quitting seemed like the only option.  After talking in through with my mom though, I knew that was no the answer.  She suggested ways to still make things work, and still run but most of all be happy once again.

After a lot of praying, meeting with coaches and talking things over with friends and team mates I knew what I needed to do.  I said goodbye to my old training partners and embraced the idea of working with a new coach and group.

I am now six months in with my new environment.  It took some getting use to at first. Working with a new program, new people and new facilities, but so far things have been good.  I was blessed with a couple personal bests in the indoor season and I am now preparing for outdoors.

Most people like to end with an insightful quote that keeps you thinking all day, but that's not my style.
So until next time, which hopefully isn't in two years, take it easy :-)

Opener Up!

Today was finally it.  After two camps and seven weeks in the Caribbean, it was finally time to open up!
A season opener is a blessing and curse.  Its very nerve racking and exciting all in one nice little ball thats just waiting to explode.  This time I was ready for it though.  I was still nervous, yet still very calm.

I arrived at the track just over 2 hours before my race.  This gave me a chance to take in the atmosphere and mentally prepare for the race.  Luckily for me the meet is at York, so it was very familiar and very comfortable.  I know the corners, I know the ins and outs, I practice there every day, its like my second home.
There was buzz already as I entered the building.  They had started running the 60's, which are always a crowd pleaser.  All of my training partners had eased through their heats and the finals looked like they were going to be quick. This was no time to get caught up though, I needed to focus on me.  I picked a spot to sit down, plugged in my headphones and got into the zone.  I controlled my breathing, I thought positive thoughts and I saw myself winning.  I had no worries about my race at all.

As I started to warm up I felt some tightness in my hamstring that had been bothering me for the past few week.  I try not too think too much of it and do a couple extra laps to make sure I'm nice and warm.  My energy was up and I was feeling good.  I kept working through my drills, but still my hamstring was a little bothersome.  As luck would have it, one of our chiro's popped by and withing minutes made my hamstring tightness disappear. I was ready to go and it felt like nothing was going to stop me.

With the 60 final just before my race it seemed like the facility was packed and the buzz was growing more and more.  As the two finals of the women go, I get amped.  My team mates all blaze super fast times and I know my turn is coming.  All that was left was two finals of the guys then its go time.  The guys in my group are all in the first final, so I stand along the stretch to watch. *BANG* goes the gun and within a blink of the eye the guys are blazing down the track....*BANG* *BANG*....then it all gets called back.   Fifty meters in and the guys are called back on a false start.  Disbelief!
Not only does this mean they have to run again, but now I have to wait for my race to go off.
I do my best to stay warm and keep in the zone as I wait for the 60s to finish.  I walk the track to visualize more, then chill to stay relaxed. 
After 10 minutes the guys are finally ready to go.
*BANG*....and they are off again, and without a hitch. As they whip by, it looks way faster than the run before.  As they crash against the mats, the crowds attention shifts and waits for the scoreboard.  Then there is a roar!  Justyn (Warner) had just run run 6.59 and made it look easy.  With this time he's punched his ticked to the World Indoor Championships, and now I'm ready to get mine. 
Wasting no time the officials cart the starting blocks down to the 400m start and before I even get a practice start in, its time to go.  Warm ups off and behind my blocks.  I look down at the track, roll my neck, relax my shoulders and I'm ready to go.

*BANG*, and I'm off!  I take off aggressively, just like I practice, I look up and I'm already halfway down the back.  As I lock it in I keep the momentum I build and round the second corner with ease.  I approach the cut in on the home stretch and establish myself as the leader.  I demolish the first 200m with ease, the second 200m is where the mental strength kicks in.  I do my best to stay relaxed and keep the pace down the back stretch.  With 100m left to go I hear my coach yell out my split...."39, 40".  I can't remember if that's good or not, I don't know if I should kick more or keep doing what I'm doing, I get thrown off.  All of a sudden I can hear everything around me.  I hear people screaming my name, I hear people telling me to relax, its loud!  As I bend the last corner it looks like way more then 50 meters.  I pump my arms as fast as I can, I can feel my body tightening up and I fight, I fight as hard as I can.
I look up at the scoreboard, and its not what I wanted to see.  Instantly I'm mad and I want to know what went so wrong.  I felt amazing, I felt fast, but for some reason it didn't pan out. 
As I cool down I replay it in my head to figure out what happened.  I was relaxed, I was aggressive, I felt like it was fast,  I thought I had done everything right. 

After I cooled down, mentally and physically, I talked to my coaches about my race.  They weren't disappointed, they see what needed to be fixed and they are confident in my performance.  Just because I didn't punch my ticket today, doesn't mean World Indoors is out of the question.  Today was a good opener, even though it didn't go exactly like I wanted it to.  I feel the difference in my race already and once I clean up the end I know things will come together.  
Next stop Saskatoon, to run in front of a home crowd, and I can't wait!

Hello 2012

Well the year is finally here. Once every four years, just like a leap year.  I feel like a kid born on February 29th, I finally get to celebrate....well maybe not quiet yet.
The Olympics are later this year, sometime I'm August. A lot of people know the exact day, hour and minute and are counting down. I've never been one for countdowns though. If movies have taught me anything, countdowns end in explosions!  In all seriousness though, I don't bother with countdowns because I can be focusing on more important things, like the journey. This has been a journey in who knows how many years in the making.  I feel like everything is slowly falling into place. Every year before this it always felt like I was missing something to make it that next step.  Last year I was close, but God had another plan and this year he is putting it together.
I'm coming into this year with a no holds bad attitude.  Leaving everything out on the track, the mat and the weight room.
I've been told enough times that I have what it takes. Now, finally, I believe that.
And I've finally got what I had been missing.

You Gotta See it....errr Feel, it to Believe it

I've been told many times over that the days you feel the worst are going to be some of your best training days.  Naturally, I just saw this as a mental ploy coaches used to encourage athletes through those really tough workouts.  But then I started to hear this notion more often, and actually read the same adage in my mental training books.
After taking a short trip out west to visit my family, I found myself heading straight from the tarmac to the track.  Traveling is never easy for anyone.  Its tiring and time consuming, and the last thing you want to do after stepping off a plane is a workout.  Well, that's exactly what I did, and not just any workout, but the hardest workout of the week.
As I got to the track I wasn't 100% sure if in fact I would be doing the regular workout, or an abbreviated one to take into consideration me flying in just that morning.  I went on my long run just like any other day, and as I trucked through I could feel the effects of the days travel on my legs.  I was stiff, tired and not mentally ready to do any kind of workout.
Once I get back to the track I see that my training partners have started the workout.  I cheer them along as I work through my warm up.  Not till I'm done with my drill do I know my fate for the day.  I tell my coaches how I feel, having not much changed from my long run I though for sure I would be given a nice "flush" workout.  I feel like they are speaking in slow mow as the pyramid workout is spouted out to me.  I feel my face drop, and my eyes fill with disbelief.  I get a reassurance from my coaches that 'the days you feel the worst are some of your best training days'.  At this moment it's really hard to believe.
I join the guys on their last set, which ignited a fire within.  My first few steps were a struggle, but as I finally got my pace I couldn't feel any of the stiffness or soreness anymore.  As I cross the halfway point I'm still in the mix with the boys.  I get excited, but I stay calm and keep my form.   We round the corner to the home stretch and I've got one boy in my grasp.  With one small move I take him over with 10 meters left.  As the coaches announce the times I look up with puzzlement and disbelief.  From what I hear, I just ran a 5 second personal best.  That can't be right, I ask again....I heard CORRECT.
At this point I'm extremely excited, but also very concerned. I've only ran one rep of the pyramid and there are still 5 more reps to run, I may have blown it out a little to early.  I try to stay positive during the rest and keep moving so lactic doesn't build up as bad. 
The next two runs are a bit easier, as the distances decrease. The last three get farther as I work my way back up the pyramid, and I've got those in the back of my mind.  I maintain my form through the shorter distances, and focus on keeping my pace through all the runs.  I can feel my legs getting heavier and heavier with every step.  I'm both mentally and physically tired and I just want this to be over.  The key to a successful pyramid workout is maintaining your pace throughout all the runs, no matter how long or how short.  Keep your pace, keep your form.  My first run was a 5 second personal best, so now coming into my last run my goal is to run that or better.  Talk about a big task for heavy legs.  5 hours of travel, 5 runs into the legs and it all comes down to this last run.  Up till now the runs have been good, but they have definitely been getting harder.  As I walk up to the line and wait for the countdown all I can think about is how tired I am. 
*3, 2, 1...GO!* 
I have to dig deep for this last one.  I run the first 30 meters as hard as I possibly can.  My legs feel like bricks, but I don't let that get to me.  I focus on my form and just tell myself to focus on pace, no matter what I feel, focus on pace. 
My training partners cheer me on as I cross the halfway point.  I hear them clear as day, and I feel a rush.  I feel no more pain, I feel unstoppable.  I run tall and relaxed, and make a move for the last half of the run.  As I come off the bend for the last hundred meters I know my body is getting heavier and heavier, but I don't let it get to me.  I pump my arms, and lift my knees, and that's all I think about. 
I cross the finish line and I hear nothing.  I see a smile, but I don't hear anything. 
My coach walks over to me and asks me 'what's your personal best'.  I struggle to answer between gasps, but I eventually get it out.  He smiles and suggest that 'maybe everyday you should come in straight off a plane'.
Running two personal bests after jumping off a plane.........not too bad :-) 

You Need A Solid Foundation

Base season is like allergy season, you know its coming and you dread it.  The only good thing about base is......I'll have to come back to that one.
Base does set you up for a good season.  However, if you dog base, you might as well pack it up now and save yourself the pain.   The harder you work now, the easier winning will be in the summer.

Every base starts with a long run.  I'm not sure how long it is, but it can take as little at 6 minutes for some to do, and as much as 15 for others.  Last year the long run felt like a workout in itself to me.  Everyone else seemed to be able to do it with ease and at a pace like no other.  I, on the other hand use to struggle with each step and pray for it to be over.  Coming into base this year I knew about the long run, and there was no way I was going to let it own me again.  By running a few 'pre-base' over distance long runs while I was off, I felt more mentally prepared for what was in store. 
I'm happy to say, it worked.  Day one of the long run was a breeze! The over distance long runs made it feel like it was a short sprint. 

I've been back to base training for a couple weeks now, and in comparison to last year I'm feeling a lot better.  I've been working on my mental strength and focus, and I think that has been helping me a lot.  My older brother, Onome, gave me a book for Christmas two years ago, and that has become my new Bible (well actually second to my actual Bible).  Every day I read it and take notes, then actually apply what I've read to my workouts.  Its funny how much easy things got once I had the confidence and mental preparation going into a workout.

So far everything has been going amazing.  I've had one or two days where I felt like I got beat with a bag of wet towels, but on the whole, I'm on a roll.  I know that as long as I keep my mind and my body healthy this year, there will be no stopping me! 

Short Circuit

It's taken me forever to finally write this post.  I've been done competing for about three weeks now, so here as a snippet of how the latter part of this season play out.
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After nationals I competed in the National Track League (NTL) circuit across Canada.  Five stops in five cities across the country over 15 days.  First stop, Edmonton.

Edmonton International Track Classic- June 29th, 2011

Just a couple days after nations the NTL was to kick off in Edmonton.  I say 'was' because things didn't exactly go as planned.  For two days before the meet the weather was perfect, the sun was shinning, it was hot and just a slight breeze was present.  Practice the day before was perfect, and my persistent knee injury had basically disappeared.  Come race day it was the same, I checked my phone for what the weather was suppose to be like and it shared a different story.  From 6 till 9 thunder storms were in the forecast.  It was hard to believe considering how beautiful it looked outside.  I packed my rain gear none the less and headed to the track.  Almost like clockwork, the rain came down.  At 530 you could see and hear the storm in the distance.  With the first strike of lightening the meet was postponed 30 minutes.  Then with the second, then the third strike and the down pour of rain the unthinkable happened and the meet was called off.  So much for a start to the NTL, next stop Vancouver.

Harry Jerome International Track Classic - July 1st, 2011


Third time is a charm, that being, this is year was my third time trying to get into this meet and finally I got in!! Harry Jerome is always a very competitive meet and the perfect place to run well.  The track is beautiful, the competition is fierce and after the elongated rest from not running in Edmonton, the perfect place to race.  After nationals I was still a little down, but in Vancouver I was feeling a little bit better.  I drew lane one, which isn't always favorable, but it was perfect for me.  Throughout the warm up my body and my mind were feeling good.  The field was stacked, but I knew what I needed to do.  This races was no ones but my own, no matter where I finished or what I ran I was "gonna do me" (as they say).  I ran relaxed and calm, aggressive off the start, calm down the back.  Others made their moves, but I kept to my own.  Coming home I wasn't tired, I just pumped my arms and brought it home.  I finished 5th, but the place didn't matter, the feeling is what mattered.  I had gotten my confidence back, I knew I could do it still.  I definitely had somethings to work on, but I lived to race another day.   Next stop, Victoria.

Victoria International Track Classic - July 3, 2011

Victoria is probably one of the most beautiful parts of Canada, I swear.  I was in Victoria in 2004 for Nationals, but I definitely didn't remember how beautiful it was.  After taking the ferry over from Vancouver I settled into residence at the University of Victoria and prepared for my next race.  I didn't go to the track, but I took a nice long walk to get the blood flowing.  The focus for travel day was to rest and get ready to run.  I was still feeling pretty good from the Harry Jerome meet so I was hoping to carry that over.  Once again my warm up felt great, but something was different.  Not in my body, but in my mind, my focus wasn't there.  It was like my blinders were taken off and everything around me was flooding in.  People were talking to me, I was talking to people.  My warm up was flowing, but not with the same aggression and focus as two days prior. My race started off with a false start. My first start was great, hard and powerful and lots of drive.  Once we got called back I tried to regroup myself.  I figured the starter would give us 2 or 3 minutes to get ready, I figured wrong.  As soon as the last girl made her way back, it was on to the races (pun very much intended).  This race was very different from the last.  I ran my own race, but it was all wrong.  There was no attack, no aggression, it was flat and mundane.  I made no moves anywhere, I just ran, nothing special, just one kinda fast pace all the way around.  I finished fourth, kind of close to the time in Vancouver, but ran very wrong.

The Break

I headed back to Toronto for 3 days before starting the latter half of the circuit.  This gave me a chance to talk to my coaches about the races thus far.  We figured what I did good, and what I would change for the next couple races.
The NTL had two more meets on the schedule, Halifax then back to Toronto. Before those though, I made a little detour.  There is a new world class facility in Moncton, from World Junior Championships in 2010. So before heading to Halifax we decided to go to Moncton first to squeeze in a race and put down a good time on the super fast track.

Moncton Hub City Classic - July 8th, 2011

All things with standing, Moncton's track was by far the best track I stepped on all season long.   With that being said, things in Moncton did not exactly go as planned.  Originally a couple of the other girls from the 4 x 400m relay were slated to come to Moncton as well and run an open 400.  I guess that memo got lost as some point, and I was the only one who showed up.  When one door closes, another door opens.  My open door was an opportunity to rabbit an 800m race, and have hilarity ensued.  Where to start....
I guess first off, when rabbiting a race the key it to get to the front then bring the runners through the first 400 in a set time.  Set time for this race was 58 seconds for the first 400, got it.  Secondly, I would probably be best if the rabbit did not false start at the beginning of the race, alrighty then.
Its probably been 5 or 6 years since I've had to do a standing start, so the start for this 800 felt very strange.  On the starters command I came up to the line with great excitement, maybe too much excitement.  As the starter waited for everyone to settle, I could feel myself falling over, and I couldn't stop it.  I tried to clench my core to stop me from falling, but it was a futile attempt.  I raised my hand, and everyone was called back.  I couldn't help by laugh, great job Ese, way to almost false start.  We try again, and this time with success.  I take off at the sound of the gun, and as I do I attempt to hit the watch on my hand to help me with the pace.  I hit once, I hit twice, I hit three times and miss each time!  The whole while, the field of 800 meter runners get away from me.  This rabbiting job is harder then I thought.  I take off to catch up, and now I have to pass them.  Coming off the curve everyone starts to cut in, and at this point I should be at the front.  As the waterfall of girls cuts down to lane 1 its clear I am not in front.  'Oh Sh*t' is all I can think.  I kick it up a notch, and haul ass to the front. Coming up to the first 200 I'm finally in the right spot, and now all I gotta do is bring it home, I settle into a pace which I think is right on.  I look over my shoulder to make sure the girls are right there....and they are not.  As I come down the home stretch I slow down the pace and hope that the girls catch up.  As I cross the finish I step off the track and let them finish what I tried to start.  Rabbiting was definitely harder then I thought it was gonna be, but in the end it was pretty fun, and everyone got a good laugh. On to Halifax.

Aileen Meagher International Track Classic - July 10th, 2011

After an entertaining stop in Moncton it was time to refocus and get back to business in Halifax.  Last year I tried to get into the Aileen Meagher meet but they told me I wasn't 'fast enough', so it definitely felt nice to be invited this year.  It was time to try and implement some of the things discussed on the break with my coaches and hope it pays off.  Aggression was gonna be key to my race. So far my races have been passive and too comfortable.  It was time to flip the table on my comfort zone and go after it.  For this meet I stayed with some of the members of the 4 x 400m relay team.  It was nice to get to know the other girls and talk to them and pick their brains about the 400, the relay and just life in general.  It was refreshing to know that we are all basically in the same boat and all fighting and going after the same thing. 
The race tactics for Halifax were to be more aggressive and not let anyone get away from me.  I had mentally prepared to be in a lesser lane again, and I was ready to put my plan to action.  Things have a way of not going as planned for me, instead of an inside lower lane, I was all the way in lane 6, the last possible lane.  I wasn't prepared for this, but I tried to stay calm and stick to the plan.  As I set my blocks all I that ran through my head was, 'don't let them go'.  The gun went off and I took off hard, I powered through the first corner and came up tall on the back straight.  I could hear someone coming up on me so I shifted another gear and tried to pull away.  Coming into the second curve I knew I was moving, I was flying!  Then something went horribly wrong.
I went from full sprint, to petty jog in no more then three strides.  I hit the worst wall I've ever hit in my whole life.  This wall was like no other.  I couldn't lift my knees up if my life depended on it.  I came off the corner and the last hundred meters looked like it went on for an eternity.  I could hear everyone yelling crystal clear.  My team mates tried to give me encouragement, but nothing was helping.  Nothing would move, not my legs, not my arms, nothing.  Slowly but surely I made it across the line in my slowest time in two years.
Most people would be incredibly discouraged after a run like that, and I definitely was.  I wanted to throw something, I wanted to quit, I wanted to cry.  There was so much going through my head I thought it was going to explode.  As I tried to cool down my team mate approached me and told me what I did was brave.  There was absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, I went for it and now all I have to do is learn from what I did. 
That silver lining is always there, sometimes its hard to find, but its there.
Last stop, Toronto.

Toronto International Track and Field Games - July 13, 2011

By the time the last meet in the circuit rolls around I feel like my legs are going to fall off.  I've ran so many races in the last couple weeks its getting ridiculous.  For most of my team mates this is a big one, its at home and all their families are coming to watch. Not so much for me, but I'm still happy to be back in my bed.  After Halifax my mood is so-so.  I know the positives that came from the race, but it's still hard to swallow and forget all the negative.  The fear of dying at the end of the race is still fresh, and I don't want it to happen again.
As I warm up I feel as though I'm just going through the motions at this point.  Nothing feels sore or hurt, but I surely don't feel like a spring chicken.  My race plan is still the same as it was in Halifax, just this time I'm going to control the back stretch a little better.  As they walk us out I hear a couple friends in the stands yell my name which puts a little smile on my face.  I set my blocks and it down to business.  This is the last one I tell myself, just follow the plan and I'll be straight.  Attack, stay calm and go.
After one practice start the official calls us in and its time to go.  I feel okay, not great, but I know its almost over.  One last race.  Two very familiar commands, then the gun goes off.  I feel myself react, just not as powerful as I would like it to be.  I drive, but not as far as I should.  I come off the corner and I'm in the mix, but I'd like to be closer.  I stay calm and relaxed down the back and prepare to go again in the last 200.  I pressed the button and nothing happens.  I flick the switch and the light doesn't go on.  I tell myself go, and I just stay the same.  My legs have nothing left.  I feel so flat.  I want to go, I want to kick again but nothing happens.

In The End

When I first heard I would be competing in the NTL I pictured it playing out a lot different in my head.  I pictured glory and success.  I pictured runner personal bests every time I stepped on the track.  I pictured autographs, pictures and flowers.  In the end, the picture was a whole lot different.
After the last meet I was thoroughly disappointed in myself.  I felt like every time I ran I just got worse and worse.  I was embarrassed and felt like I just let everyone down.  Funny how your emotions work sometime eh.
After settling down and putting some real perspective into what I had just done, I realized I may need to be a just a little easier on myself.
Between June 24th and July 13th I had ran 7 races.  7 races in 20 days, and some of those with only one days rest in between.  Then throwing in traveling, (coast to coast), little to no treatment, jet lag, eating out...lets just say the conditions were not ideal, but I survived.  I'm not making excuses, but when you put it all together, I guess I did ok :-) 
This time last year I had only really raced the 400 twelve times...in my life.  I'm still pretty new to this, so the circuit was a great experience.  I have a lot of learning to do, so even though this picture didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, I still ended up with a pretty sweet print.

Faltered

Calgary, Alberta, the site of this years national championships, the place where I was gonna show everyone what I was made of.  Eight months of training have been leading up to this event, finally my time to shine. 
Everything doesn’t always go the way you plan, things happen.  I was suppose to come in an under dog and come out a contender.  It was suppose to be my time to put it all out there. 
The practices before my heat felt good, my knee was bothering me, but I told myself it would be fine by race day.  Race day came and the pain had not gone away.  Throughout my warm up I felt the pain which had been plaguing me for the past two weeks.  I tried to put it behind me and not let it get in my way.  Clouds filled the sky as I warmed up, rain began to fall and the temperature dropped.  I continued to warm up and tried to not let anything, or anyone phase me.  As I see my competitors warm up the ever so famous butterflies show up in my stomach.  My head begins to fill with doubt, I know these girls are faster, and I get scared.  I try to keep my head up but the nerves are taking over.  As much as I try to stay positive, bouts of negative stream through my head. 
The sky begins to clear, its time to check in to the warm up tent.  As I sit there I try to put on my brave face, but my nerves are obvious to everyone around me. 
It doesn’t go as planned, I didn’t put it all out there, I had not come out a contender.  When my heat was all said and done, I had run my slowest time of the year.  Nothing clicked, it had all gone wrong.  My nerves had gotten the best of me.  My blocks weren’t right, my race plan wasn’t right, my mind wasn’t right.  I wasn’t the confident strong Ese who had been training for this moment for the last eight months.  When it was all over, I wasn’t tired, I wasn’t sore, nothing hurt…physically.  As the second heat finished it was clear,  I wasn’t in the final. 9th place.
At no point did I ever think I wasn’t going to make the final, that thought had never crossed my mind.  9th place.   It hurt so much, it made me numb.  I was in such disbelief, it almost felt like it didn’t really happen.
Old me would have cried.  Old me would have hid. Old me would have wanted to quit right there and then.  New me is better than that.
This wasn’t the end, this wasn’t a failure, it was a life lesson.  My performance at nationals left the most bitter taste in my mouth, a taste I will never forget. 

Fine Tuning

With only two weeks until nationals it’s time to put into play what I’ve been practicing.  I’ve got two raced under my belt, both of which were run very differently.  I’m still in the process of learning how exactly to run the 400, but I feel like I’m slowly starting to get it.  In watching some of my races from last year around this time, I look like a completely different person.  I spend quite a bit of time watching not only my film, but also videos of people who are where I want to be.  When I watch others run they make it look so effortless and easy…when I run it, not so much.  I know once I learn how to run like them, my times will drop like hot cakes.  I’ve already taken off two seconds from my personal best, and I know more is in the tank.  I have yet to feel tired at the end of a race, I just gotta go out there and leave it all on the track. 

This weekend is my last meet before nationals.  I’m currently ranked 4th in the 400m and in order for anything else to happen this summer, I need to finish in the top 3 at nationals.  The girls ahead of my are running fast, so the only thing I need to do now is run faster. 

Spikes Times 5

Anytime I put on my spikes I know its going to be a fast day. Lately it seems like its happening more often then not. Before this week the most I've put them on is maybe four times, with a very lackluster fourth appearance. Times have changed. Spikes Monday, spikes Tuesday, spikes Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday!! Speed kills, unless you're strong like me :-)

In past times five days of spikes was unheard of for me and if it was attempted, I would have been crawling home by day four.

Monday's spike workout was expected, and much wanted. After the two weeks of relay camp I wanted to get back to working on things to make me faster. The camps were an eye opener in two ways, one; that I need to get faster, and two; I'm on the right track. Monday felt good, but when Tuesday rolled around and I was in spikes again I knew something was up. "Turn over, work on your turn over". The key to my race will be the first piece, the first 100 meters where turn over is key. Right now I have the strength, but with my sub par turn over it does me no good. Wednesday, spikes again! I was still feeling good though, and the work on turn over on Tuesday make longer speed even easier. As I look over at my team mates rolling on the ground, I don't feel the same, I feel amazing, like I can go on forever. Long speed use to be my worst enemy, but to on Wednesday I made it my....well you know.

For sure by Thursday I thought I would be in flats, something easy maybe. Or Not! At this point easy has officially been removed from my vocabulary and replaced with "not as hard as yesterday". Once again the spikes are strapped up and the intensity a raised. Bang! Bang! Bang! one after another, I feel like I'm running short sprints forever. 40 meters never seemed hard before, but Thursday definitely changed that for me.

By Friday I know the drill. At no point do I tell myself that I might do something light. Like clockwork the spikes go on. To my amazement I feel nothing though, no soreness, no tiredness, no fatigue. My legs feel so good you would think it was Monday. Today I work on being fast and relaxed, something I never really got the hang of before. Friday was different though, Friday I finally grasped the concept. It felt like I was running 60s forever, at no point did I keep track of the count. "One more", "one more", "one more". With each "one more" my coaches look at their clocks and smile. I don't feel super fast, but I know by their reaction they like what they see.

Five days of spikes would break down the average athlete. After five days of spike I walked away with some of my fastest 60s of the year. I guess I might be a little above average :-)

It Felt Like I Was Floating

The roar was deafening, my breathing was drowned out by the screaming fans, I could feel the crowd inside of my chest.  As I came down the back stretch, I couldn’t feel anything or think anything.  I felt myself smile, I felt a sense of disbelief. How did I get here?

Penn Relays is the biggest track meet in North America.  As I walked into the stadium I felt like a gladiator.  I looked up into the stands and saw 48,000 track fanatics that blurred into one big mass.  The training had paid off, just one year earlier I was watching this meet fantasizing about being here one day.  That day came. 

From head to toe, inside and out I was donning the maple leaf, I felt and looked like I belonged here.  Everywhere I looked I saw people who I once idolized and watched run on TV.  They were people just like me, they were excited just like me, and some were even nervous just like me. Alison Felix, Sanya Richards, Debbie Dunn, all women I looked up to, I was now warming up with side by side.  

I warmed up and went through the motions just like any other meet, but this time I felt like I was watching from outside.  I felt fast and ready to go, my body was ready, but was my mind?

“Woman’s four by four relay please marshal in”. My heart began to race, it felt like a hummingbird was residing in my chest.  “Play it cool Ese, you can do this”  As they pulled us out onto the track I knew it was time.  This was the real thing.  As I stand and against the wall I tell myself I’m ready and its time to go. 

Bang! goes the gun.  Our first running takes off, she sets us up well.  I feel like I’m watching on TV again, but instead I’m right there.  The race unfolds in front of me, I see each exchange with great detail.  I see our second running get bumped as she comes in, the baton crosses another runner and I panic.  The pass gets off and as the third runner makes the first turn they line us up.  Anchor leg, the position people remember, the leg the brings it home for the team.  Third runner comes around the corner and I wave her down.  We make eye contact and I giver her a re-assuring nod to let her know I’m there and she is doing a good job.  As she comes in, I tune into her pace, I tell my self to block out everything around me and focus on her.  As a reach out for the baton, something goes wrong, I don’t have it.  I reach again, what’s happening!  What are you doing Ese, grab the baton, don’t mess this up!  I slow down to basically a stop and grab the baton, this isn’t good, how could this happen.  This was no time to panic, once I finally got the baton I had a job to do.  The first 100 meters is a blur, I know I took off and I also know there was some one right behind me, I couldn’t let her pass.  I pushed out to the outside of the curve, if she wanted to pass, she would have to work for it.  The came the back straight.  As I came off the corner it was like I ran into a totally different world.

The roar was deafening, my breathing was drowned out by the screaming fans, I could feel the crowd inside of my chest.  As I came down the back stretch, I couldn’t feel anything or think anything.  I felt myself smile, I felt a sense of disbelief.  It felt like I wasn’t running at all, but rather floating.  With 150 meters left to go I started to pump my arms and give it all I had left.  Fatigue never set in, instead excitement took over.  I crossed the line with plenty left in the tank. 

Even though I felt good,  I also knew that the race did not go as it should have.  The adrenaline, the excitement, the disbelief had taken over and thrown my race plan out the window.  I don’t regret anything that happened in the race though, I can only learn from it.  Being there and racing against those top notch athletes let me know I’m on the right track.  The hard work is paying off, now all I have to do is learn how to handle the situation.  Penn Relays 2011 is the beginning good things to come.  Soon I will be able to add my own name to the list of women who I look up to now.

Rest and Recovery

It’s been just over a month since my last race.  Indoors is officially over and now its time to get ready for the real thing…OUTDOORS!! Throughout the indoor season I competed in an array of sprints events to help work on facets of my outdoor 400. 

After taking a week to chill and train in Texas, it was back to the grind.  The volume went back to what it was in the beginning of base training, but now the intensity is way up there.  The thing about getting faster is it doesn’t make workouts any easier.  I’m seeing a lot of improvements according to the stop watch, but its still just as hard as it was in October. 

For the past two weeks I’ve been on some what of a teeter-totter.  My goal for this year is to represent Canada internationally at some point to prepare me for next years Olympics.  In March I ran a ‘test’ 4x400 in Ottawa and I thought it went pretty well, it was my foot in the door for a possible Team Canada.  The problem with the foot in the door is sometimes the door swings open and shut, and that can hurt. 

Next week I get my opportunity to get my whole body in! I will get my opportunity to don the Red and White for the first time at Texas Relays in Austin (Texas of course).  This opportunity is both exciting and nerve racking all at the same time.  I know this is my chance to prove that I can run with the best of them, not only in Canada, but internationally as well. 

My training has been altered a bit to accommodate for this meet, so my body will be ready.  Now I just need to work on the mental part and I should be ready to go!

LoveJoy Weight Room

                                           

Indoor Field house with 40 yards of Field Turf

     

Full 8 lane outdoor track
	Field Turf infield

Fully Equipped Weight Room

 

                                                                                               

By far the best weight room I’ve ever lifted in and amazing facility all around!

In the Dirty South

Friday was the last workout of the week and I finally felt my body loosening. I put on extra layers for my warm up and made sure my body was gonna be ready to go. After jogging, stretching and all my drills sweat was drippin down my brow and I knew I was ready to go. As soon as I walked out of the field house I walking into what felt like a gale force wind. I looked up at the flags and both red, white and blues were fully erect from the wind. After doing a couple excels down the home stretch I knew I would have to do my workout on the other side. In the past 10x150 would kill me, but I looked forward to knocking this one out of the park. Working hard off the corner and maintaining down the stretch was the plan, and work that plan is what I did. Before I knew it I was on number 8, still moving good and not even feeling tired. I finished feeling amazing, which was something I hadn't felt all week.
I took my time and made my way to the weight room. The facility at my sister's school is amazing! I look forward to lift just so I can chill in the weight room. *note to self: take pictures of awesome weight room*
After I was all said and done we headed home to get ready for a little trip.
Shreveport, Louisiana is 4 hour drive away so we decided to hit it up for 'Mardi Gras'. Its a little smaller then the one in New Orleans, but still should be good.