Today was finally it. After two camps and seven weeks in the Caribbean, it was finally time to open up!
A season opener is a blessing and curse. Its very nerve racking and exciting all in one nice little ball thats just waiting to explode. This time I was ready for it though. I was still nervous, yet still very calm.
I arrived at the track just over 2 hours before my race. This gave me a chance to take in the atmosphere and mentally prepare for the race. Luckily for me the meet is at York, so it was very familiar and very comfortable. I know the corners, I know the ins and outs, I practice there every day, its like my second home.
There was buzz already as I entered the building. They had started running the 60's, which are always a crowd pleaser. All of my training partners had eased through their heats and the finals looked like they were going to be quick. This was no time to get caught up though, I needed to focus on me. I picked a spot to sit down, plugged in my headphones and got into the zone. I controlled my breathing, I thought positive thoughts and I saw myself winning. I had no worries about my race at all.
As I started to warm up I felt some tightness in my hamstring that had been bothering me for the past few week. I try not too think too much of it and do a couple extra laps to make sure I'm nice and warm. My energy was up and I was feeling good. I kept working through my drills, but still my hamstring was a little bothersome. As luck would have it, one of our chiro's popped by and withing minutes made my hamstring tightness disappear. I was ready to go and it felt like nothing was going to stop me.
With the 60 final just before my race it seemed like the facility was packed and the buzz was growing more and more. As the two finals of the women go, I get amped. My team mates all blaze super fast times and I know my turn is coming. All that was left was two finals of the guys then its go time. The guys in my group are all in the first final, so I stand along the stretch to watch. *BANG* goes the gun and within a blink of the eye the guys are blazing down the track....*BANG* *BANG*....then it all gets called back. Fifty meters in and the guys are called back on a false start. Disbelief!
Not only does this mean they have to run again, but now I have to wait for my race to go off.
I do my best to stay warm and keep in the zone as I wait for the 60s to finish. I walk the track to visualize more, then chill to stay relaxed.
After 10 minutes the guys are finally ready to go.
*BANG*....and they are off again, and without a hitch. As they whip by, it looks way faster than the run before. As they crash against the mats, the crowds attention shifts and waits for the scoreboard. Then there is a roar! Justyn (Warner) had just run run 6.59 and made it look easy. With this time he's punched his ticked to the World Indoor Championships, and now I'm ready to get mine.
Wasting no time the officials cart the starting blocks down to the 400m start and before I even get a practice start in, its time to go. Warm ups off and behind my blocks. I look down at the track, roll my neck, relax my shoulders and I'm ready to go.
*BANG*, and I'm off! I take off aggressively, just like I practice, I look up and I'm already halfway down the back. As I lock it in I keep the momentum I build and round the second corner with ease. I approach the cut in on the home stretch and establish myself as the leader. I demolish the first 200m with ease, the second 200m is where the mental strength kicks in. I do my best to stay relaxed and keep the pace down the back stretch. With 100m left to go I hear my coach yell out my split...."39, 40". I can't remember if that's good or not, I don't know if I should kick more or keep doing what I'm doing, I get thrown off. All of a sudden I can hear everything around me. I hear people screaming my name, I hear people telling me to relax, its loud! As I bend the last corner it looks like way more then 50 meters. I pump my arms as fast as I can, I can feel my body tightening up and I fight, I fight as hard as I can.
I look up at the scoreboard, and its not what I wanted to see. Instantly I'm mad and I want to know what went so wrong. I felt amazing, I felt fast, but for some reason it didn't pan out.
As I cool down I replay it in my head to figure out what happened. I was relaxed, I was aggressive, I felt like it was fast, I thought I had done everything right.
After I cooled down, mentally and physically, I talked to my coaches about my race. They weren't disappointed, they see what needed to be fixed and they are confident in my performance. Just because I didn't punch my ticket today, doesn't mean World Indoors is out of the question. Today was a good opener, even though it didn't go exactly like I wanted it to. I feel the difference in my race already and once I clean up the end I know things will come together.
Next stop Saskatoon, to run in front of a home crowd, and I can't wait!
Follow Me...
The Trials and Tribulations of Running a Circle
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Hello 2012
Well the year is finally here. Once every four years, just like a leap year. I feel like a kid born on February 29th, I finally get to celebrate....well maybe not quiet yet.
The Olympics are later this year, sometime I'm August. A lot of people know the exact day, hour and minute and are counting down. I've never been one for countdowns though. If movies have taught me anything, countdowns end in explosions! In all seriousness though, I don't bother with countdowns because I can be focusing on more important things, like the journey. This has been a journey in who knows how many years in the making. I feel like everything is slowly falling into place. Every year before this it always felt like I was missing something to make it that next step. Last year I was close, but God had another plan and this year he is putting it together.
I'm coming into this year with a no holds bad attitude. Leaving everything out on the track, the mat and the weight room.
I've been told enough times that I have what it takes. Now, finally, I believe that.
And I've finally got what I had been missing.
The Olympics are later this year, sometime I'm August. A lot of people know the exact day, hour and minute and are counting down. I've never been one for countdowns though. If movies have taught me anything, countdowns end in explosions! In all seriousness though, I don't bother with countdowns because I can be focusing on more important things, like the journey. This has been a journey in who knows how many years in the making. I feel like everything is slowly falling into place. Every year before this it always felt like I was missing something to make it that next step. Last year I was close, but God had another plan and this year he is putting it together.
I'm coming into this year with a no holds bad attitude. Leaving everything out on the track, the mat and the weight room.
I've been told enough times that I have what it takes. Now, finally, I believe that.
And I've finally got what I had been missing.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
You Gotta See it....errr Feel, it to Believe it
I've been told many times over that the days you feel the worst are going to be some of your best training days. Naturally, I just saw this as a mental ploy coaches used to encourage athletes through those really tough workouts. But then I started to hear this notion more often, and actually read the same adage in my mental training books.
After taking a short trip out west to visit my family, I found myself heading straight from the tarmac to the track. Traveling is never easy for anyone. Its tiring and time consuming, and the last thing you want to do after stepping off a plane is a workout. Well, that's exactly what I did, and not just any workout, but the hardest workout of the week.
As I got to the track I wasn't 100% sure if in fact I would be doing the regular workout, or an abbreviated one to take into consideration me flying in just that morning. I went on my long run just like any other day, and as I trucked through I could feel the effects of the days travel on my legs. I was stiff, tired and not mentally ready to do any kind of workout.
Once I get back to the track I see that my training partners have started the workout. I cheer them along as I work through my warm up. Not till I'm done with my drill do I know my fate for the day. I tell my coaches how I feel, having not much changed from my long run I though for sure I would be given a nice "flush" workout. I feel like they are speaking in slow mow as the pyramid workout is spouted out to me. I feel my face drop, and my eyes fill with disbelief. I get a reassurance from my coaches that 'the days you feel the worst are some of your best training days'. At this moment it's really hard to believe.
I join the guys on their last set, which ignited a fire within. My first few steps were a struggle, but as I finally got my pace I couldn't feel any of the stiffness or soreness anymore. As I cross the halfway point I'm still in the mix with the boys. I get excited, but I stay calm and keep my form. We round the corner to the home stretch and I've got one boy in my grasp. With one small move I take him over with 10 meters left. As the coaches announce the times I look up with puzzlement and disbelief. From what I hear, I just ran a 5 second personal best. That can't be right, I ask again....I heard CORRECT.
At this point I'm extremely excited, but also very concerned. I've only ran one rep of the pyramid and there are still 5 more reps to run, I may have blown it out a little to early. I try to stay positive during the rest and keep moving so lactic doesn't build up as bad.
The next two runs are a bit easier, as the distances decrease. The last three get farther as I work my way back up the pyramid, and I've got those in the back of my mind. I maintain my form through the shorter distances, and focus on keeping my pace through all the runs. I can feel my legs getting heavier and heavier with every step. I'm both mentally and physically tired and I just want this to be over. The key to a successful pyramid workout is maintaining your pace throughout all the runs, no matter how long or how short. Keep your pace, keep your form. My first run was a 5 second personal best, so now coming into my last run my goal is to run that or better. Talk about a big task for heavy legs. 5 hours of travel, 5 runs into the legs and it all comes down to this last run. Up till now the runs have been good, but they have definitely been getting harder. As I walk up to the line and wait for the countdown all I can think about is how tired I am.
*3, 2, 1...GO!*
I have to dig deep for this last one. I run the first 30 meters as hard as I possibly can. My legs feel like bricks, but I don't let that get to me. I focus on my form and just tell myself to focus on pace, no matter what I feel, focus on pace.
My training partners cheer me on as I cross the halfway point. I hear them clear as day, and I feel a rush. I feel no more pain, I feel unstoppable. I run tall and relaxed, and make a move for the last half of the run. As I come off the bend for the last hundred meters I know my body is getting heavier and heavier, but I don't let it get to me. I pump my arms, and lift my knees, and that's all I think about.
I cross the finish line and I hear nothing. I see a smile, but I don't hear anything.
My coach walks over to me and asks me 'what's your personal best'. I struggle to answer between gasps, but I eventually get it out. He smiles and suggest that 'maybe everyday you should come in straight off a plane'.
Running two personal bests after jumping off a plane.........not too bad :-)
After taking a short trip out west to visit my family, I found myself heading straight from the tarmac to the track. Traveling is never easy for anyone. Its tiring and time consuming, and the last thing you want to do after stepping off a plane is a workout. Well, that's exactly what I did, and not just any workout, but the hardest workout of the week.
As I got to the track I wasn't 100% sure if in fact I would be doing the regular workout, or an abbreviated one to take into consideration me flying in just that morning. I went on my long run just like any other day, and as I trucked through I could feel the effects of the days travel on my legs. I was stiff, tired and not mentally ready to do any kind of workout.
Once I get back to the track I see that my training partners have started the workout. I cheer them along as I work through my warm up. Not till I'm done with my drill do I know my fate for the day. I tell my coaches how I feel, having not much changed from my long run I though for sure I would be given a nice "flush" workout. I feel like they are speaking in slow mow as the pyramid workout is spouted out to me. I feel my face drop, and my eyes fill with disbelief. I get a reassurance from my coaches that 'the days you feel the worst are some of your best training days'. At this moment it's really hard to believe.
I join the guys on their last set, which ignited a fire within. My first few steps were a struggle, but as I finally got my pace I couldn't feel any of the stiffness or soreness anymore. As I cross the halfway point I'm still in the mix with the boys. I get excited, but I stay calm and keep my form. We round the corner to the home stretch and I've got one boy in my grasp. With one small move I take him over with 10 meters left. As the coaches announce the times I look up with puzzlement and disbelief. From what I hear, I just ran a 5 second personal best. That can't be right, I ask again....I heard CORRECT.
At this point I'm extremely excited, but also very concerned. I've only ran one rep of the pyramid and there are still 5 more reps to run, I may have blown it out a little to early. I try to stay positive during the rest and keep moving so lactic doesn't build up as bad.
The next two runs are a bit easier, as the distances decrease. The last three get farther as I work my way back up the pyramid, and I've got those in the back of my mind. I maintain my form through the shorter distances, and focus on keeping my pace through all the runs. I can feel my legs getting heavier and heavier with every step. I'm both mentally and physically tired and I just want this to be over. The key to a successful pyramid workout is maintaining your pace throughout all the runs, no matter how long or how short. Keep your pace, keep your form. My first run was a 5 second personal best, so now coming into my last run my goal is to run that or better. Talk about a big task for heavy legs. 5 hours of travel, 5 runs into the legs and it all comes down to this last run. Up till now the runs have been good, but they have definitely been getting harder. As I walk up to the line and wait for the countdown all I can think about is how tired I am.
*3, 2, 1...GO!*
I have to dig deep for this last one. I run the first 30 meters as hard as I possibly can. My legs feel like bricks, but I don't let that get to me. I focus on my form and just tell myself to focus on pace, no matter what I feel, focus on pace.
My training partners cheer me on as I cross the halfway point. I hear them clear as day, and I feel a rush. I feel no more pain, I feel unstoppable. I run tall and relaxed, and make a move for the last half of the run. As I come off the bend for the last hundred meters I know my body is getting heavier and heavier, but I don't let it get to me. I pump my arms, and lift my knees, and that's all I think about.
I cross the finish line and I hear nothing. I see a smile, but I don't hear anything.
My coach walks over to me and asks me 'what's your personal best'. I struggle to answer between gasps, but I eventually get it out. He smiles and suggest that 'maybe everyday you should come in straight off a plane'.
Running two personal bests after jumping off a plane.........not too bad :-)
Thursday, October 13, 2011
You Need A Solid Foundation
Base season is like allergy season, you know its coming and you dread it. The only good thing about base is......I'll have to come back to that one.
Base does set you up for a good season. However, if you dog base, you might as well pack it up now and save yourself the pain. The harder you work now, the easier winning will be in the summer.
Every base starts with a long run. I'm not sure how long it is, but it can take as little at 6 minutes for some to do, and as much as 15 for others. Last year the long run felt like a workout in itself to me. Everyone else seemed to be able to do it with ease and at a pace like no other. I, on the other hand use to struggle with each step and pray for it to be over. Coming into base this year I knew about the long run, and there was no way I was going to let it own me again. By running a few 'pre-base' over distance long runs while I was off, I felt more mentally prepared for what was in store.
I'm happy to say, it worked. Day one of the long run was a breeze! The over distance long runs made it feel like it was a short sprint.
I've been back to base training for a couple weeks now, and in comparison to last year I'm feeling a lot better. I've been working on my mental strength and focus, and I think that has been helping me a lot. My older brother, Onome, gave me a book for Christmas two years ago, and that has become my new Bible (well actually second to my actual Bible). Every day I read it and take notes, then actually apply what I've read to my workouts. Its funny how much easy things got once I had the confidence and mental preparation going into a workout.
So far everything has been going amazing. I've had one or two days where I felt like I got beat with a bag of wet towels, but on the whole, I'm on a roll. I know that as long as I keep my mind and my body healthy this year, there will be no stopping me!
Base does set you up for a good season. However, if you dog base, you might as well pack it up now and save yourself the pain. The harder you work now, the easier winning will be in the summer.
Every base starts with a long run. I'm not sure how long it is, but it can take as little at 6 minutes for some to do, and as much as 15 for others. Last year the long run felt like a workout in itself to me. Everyone else seemed to be able to do it with ease and at a pace like no other. I, on the other hand use to struggle with each step and pray for it to be over. Coming into base this year I knew about the long run, and there was no way I was going to let it own me again. By running a few 'pre-base' over distance long runs while I was off, I felt more mentally prepared for what was in store.
I'm happy to say, it worked. Day one of the long run was a breeze! The over distance long runs made it feel like it was a short sprint.
I've been back to base training for a couple weeks now, and in comparison to last year I'm feeling a lot better. I've been working on my mental strength and focus, and I think that has been helping me a lot. My older brother, Onome, gave me a book for Christmas two years ago, and that has become my new Bible (well actually second to my actual Bible). Every day I read it and take notes, then actually apply what I've read to my workouts. Its funny how much easy things got once I had the confidence and mental preparation going into a workout.
So far everything has been going amazing. I've had one or two days where I felt like I got beat with a bag of wet towels, but on the whole, I'm on a roll. I know that as long as I keep my mind and my body healthy this year, there will be no stopping me!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Short Circuit
It's taken me forever to finally write this post. I've been done competing for about three weeks now, so here as a snippet of how the latter part of this season play out.
. .
After nationals I competed in the National Track League (NTL) circuit across Canada. Five stops in five cities across the country over 15 days. First stop, Edmonton.
Edmonton International Track Classic- June 29th, 2011
Just a couple days after nations the NTL was to kick off in Edmonton. I say 'was' because things didn't exactly go as planned. For two days before the meet the weather was perfect, the sun was shinning, it was hot and just a slight breeze was present. Practice the day before was perfect, and my persistent knee injury had basically disappeared. Come race day it was the same, I checked my phone for what the weather was suppose to be like and it shared a different story. From 6 till 9 thunder storms were in the forecast. It was hard to believe considering how beautiful it looked outside. I packed my rain gear none the less and headed to the track. Almost like clockwork, the rain came down. At 530 you could see and hear the storm in the distance. With the first strike of lightening the meet was postponed 30 minutes. Then with the second, then the third strike and the down pour of rain the unthinkable happened and the meet was called off. So much for a start to the NTL, next stop Vancouver.
Harry Jerome International Track Classic - July 1st, 2011
Third time is a charm, that being, this is year was my third time trying to get into this meet and finally I got in!! Harry Jerome is always a very competitive meet and the perfect place to run well. The track is beautiful, the competition is fierce and after the elongated rest from not running in Edmonton, the perfect place to race. After nationals I was still a little down, but in Vancouver I was feeling a little bit better. I drew lane one, which isn't always favorable, but it was perfect for me. Throughout the warm up my body and my mind were feeling good. The field was stacked, but I knew what I needed to do. This races was no ones but my own, no matter where I finished or what I ran I was "gonna do me" (as they say). I ran relaxed and calm, aggressive off the start, calm down the back. Others made their moves, but I kept to my own. Coming home I wasn't tired, I just pumped my arms and brought it home. I finished 5th, but the place didn't matter, the feeling is what mattered. I had gotten my confidence back, I knew I could do it still. I definitely had somethings to work on, but I lived to race another day. Next stop, Victoria.
Victoria International Track Classic - July 3, 2011
Victoria is probably one of the most beautiful parts of Canada, I swear. I was in Victoria in 2004 for Nationals, but I definitely didn't remember how beautiful it was. After taking the ferry over from Vancouver I settled into residence at the University of Victoria and prepared for my next race. I didn't go to the track, but I took a nice long walk to get the blood flowing. The focus for travel day was to rest and get ready to run. I was still feeling pretty good from the Harry Jerome meet so I was hoping to carry that over. Once again my warm up felt great, but something was different. Not in my body, but in my mind, my focus wasn't there. It was like my blinders were taken off and everything around me was flooding in. People were talking to me, I was talking to people. My warm up was flowing, but not with the same aggression and focus as two days prior. My race started off with a false start. My first start was great, hard and powerful and lots of drive. Once we got called back I tried to regroup myself. I figured the starter would give us 2 or 3 minutes to get ready, I figured wrong. As soon as the last girl made her way back, it was on to the races (pun very much intended). This race was very different from the last. I ran my own race, but it was all wrong. There was no attack, no aggression, it was flat and mundane. I made no moves anywhere, I just ran, nothing special, just one kinda fast pace all the way around. I finished fourth, kind of close to the time in Vancouver, but ran very wrong.
The Break
I headed back to Toronto for 3 days before starting the latter half of the circuit. This gave me a chance to talk to my coaches about the races thus far. We figured what I did good, and what I would change for the next couple races.
The NTL had two more meets on the schedule, Halifax then back to Toronto. Before those though, I made a little detour. There is a new world class facility in Moncton, from World Junior Championships in 2010. So before heading to Halifax we decided to go to Moncton first to squeeze in a race and put down a good time on the super fast track.
Moncton Hub City Classic - July 8th, 2011
All things with standing, Moncton's track was by far the best track I stepped on all season long. With that being said, things in Moncton did not exactly go as planned. Originally a couple of the other girls from the 4 x 400m relay were slated to come to Moncton as well and run an open 400. I guess that memo got lost as some point, and I was the only one who showed up. When one door closes, another door opens. My open door was an opportunity to rabbit an 800m race, and have hilarity ensued. Where to start....
I guess first off, when rabbiting a race the key it to get to the front then bring the runners through the first 400 in a set time. Set time for this race was 58 seconds for the first 400, got it. Secondly, I would probably be best if the rabbit did not false start at the beginning of the race, alrighty then.
Its probably been 5 or 6 years since I've had to do a standing start, so the start for this 800 felt very strange. On the starters command I came up to the line with great excitement, maybe too much excitement. As the starter waited for everyone to settle, I could feel myself falling over, and I couldn't stop it. I tried to clench my core to stop me from falling, but it was a futile attempt. I raised my hand, and everyone was called back. I couldn't help by laugh, great job Ese, way to almost false start. We try again, and this time with success. I take off at the sound of the gun, and as I do I attempt to hit the watch on my hand to help me with the pace. I hit once, I hit twice, I hit three times and miss each time! The whole while, the field of 800 meter runners get away from me. This rabbiting job is harder then I thought. I take off to catch up, and now I have to pass them. Coming off the curve everyone starts to cut in, and at this point I should be at the front. As the waterfall of girls cuts down to lane 1 its clear I am not in front. 'Oh Sh*t' is all I can think. I kick it up a notch, and haul ass to the front. Coming up to the first 200 I'm finally in the right spot, and now all I gotta do is bring it home, I settle into a pace which I think is right on. I look over my shoulder to make sure the girls are right there....and they are not. As I come down the home stretch I slow down the pace and hope that the girls catch up. As I cross the finish I step off the track and let them finish what I tried to start. Rabbiting was definitely harder then I thought it was gonna be, but in the end it was pretty fun, and everyone got a good laugh. On to Halifax.
Aileen Meagher International Track Classic - July 10th, 2011
After an entertaining stop in Moncton it was time to refocus and get back to business in Halifax. Last year I tried to get into the Aileen Meagher meet but they told me I wasn't 'fast enough', so it definitely felt nice to be invited this year. It was time to try and implement some of the things discussed on the break with my coaches and hope it pays off. Aggression was gonna be key to my race. So far my races have been passive and too comfortable. It was time to flip the table on my comfort zone and go after it. For this meet I stayed with some of the members of the 4 x 400m relay team. It was nice to get to know the other girls and talk to them and pick their brains about the 400, the relay and just life in general. It was refreshing to know that we are all basically in the same boat and all fighting and going after the same thing.
The race tactics for Halifax were to be more aggressive and not let anyone get away from me. I had mentally prepared to be in a lesser lane again, and I was ready to put my plan to action. Things have a way of not going as planned for me, instead of an inside lower lane, I was all the way in lane 6, the last possible lane. I wasn't prepared for this, but I tried to stay calm and stick to the plan. As I set my blocks all I that ran through my head was, 'don't let them go'. The gun went off and I took off hard, I powered through the first corner and came up tall on the back straight. I could hear someone coming up on me so I shifted another gear and tried to pull away. Coming into the second curve I knew I was moving, I was flying! Then something went horribly wrong.
I went from full sprint, to petty jog in no more then three strides. I hit the worst wall I've ever hit in my whole life. This wall was like no other. I couldn't lift my knees up if my life depended on it. I came off the corner and the last hundred meters looked like it went on for an eternity. I could hear everyone yelling crystal clear. My team mates tried to give me encouragement, but nothing was helping. Nothing would move, not my legs, not my arms, nothing. Slowly but surely I made it across the line in my slowest time in two years.
Most people would be incredibly discouraged after a run like that, and I definitely was. I wanted to throw something, I wanted to quit, I wanted to cry. There was so much going through my head I thought it was going to explode. As I tried to cool down my team mate approached me and told me what I did was brave. There was absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, I went for it and now all I have to do is learn from what I did.
That silver lining is always there, sometimes its hard to find, but its there.
Last stop, Toronto.
Toronto International Track and Field Games - July 13, 2011
By the time the last meet in the circuit rolls around I feel like my legs are going to fall off. I've ran so many races in the last couple weeks its getting ridiculous. For most of my team mates this is a big one, its at home and all their families are coming to watch. Not so much for me, but I'm still happy to be back in my bed. After Halifax my mood is so-so. I know the positives that came from the race, but it's still hard to swallow and forget all the negative. The fear of dying at the end of the race is still fresh, and I don't want it to happen again.
As I warm up I feel as though I'm just going through the motions at this point. Nothing feels sore or hurt, but I surely don't feel like a spring chicken. My race plan is still the same as it was in Halifax, just this time I'm going to control the back stretch a little better. As they walk us out I hear a couple friends in the stands yell my name which puts a little smile on my face. I set my blocks and it down to business. This is the last one I tell myself, just follow the plan and I'll be straight. Attack, stay calm and go.
After one practice start the official calls us in and its time to go. I feel okay, not great, but I know its almost over. One last race. Two very familiar commands, then the gun goes off. I feel myself react, just not as powerful as I would like it to be. I drive, but not as far as I should. I come off the corner and I'm in the mix, but I'd like to be closer. I stay calm and relaxed down the back and prepare to go again in the last 200. I pressed the button and nothing happens. I flick the switch and the light doesn't go on. I tell myself go, and I just stay the same. My legs have nothing left. I feel so flat. I want to go, I want to kick again but nothing happens.
In The End
When I first heard I would be competing in the NTL I pictured it playing out a lot different in my head. I pictured glory and success. I pictured runner personal bests every time I stepped on the track. I pictured autographs, pictures and flowers. In the end, the picture was a whole lot different.
After the last meet I was thoroughly disappointed in myself. I felt like every time I ran I just got worse and worse. I was embarrassed and felt like I just let everyone down. Funny how your emotions work sometime eh.
After settling down and putting some real perspective into what I had just done, I realized I may need to be a just a little easier on myself.
Between June 24th and July 13th I had ran 7 races. 7 races in 20 days, and some of those with only one days rest in between. Then throwing in traveling, (coast to coast), little to no treatment, jet lag, eating out...lets just say the conditions were not ideal, but I survived. I'm not making excuses, but when you put it all together, I guess I did ok :-)
This time last year I had only really raced the 400 twelve times...in my life. I'm still pretty new to this, so the circuit was a great experience. I have a lot of learning to do, so even though this picture didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, I still ended up with a pretty sweet print.
. .
After nationals I competed in the National Track League (NTL) circuit across Canada. Five stops in five cities across the country over 15 days. First stop, Edmonton.
Edmonton International Track Classic- June 29th, 2011
Just a couple days after nations the NTL was to kick off in Edmonton. I say 'was' because things didn't exactly go as planned. For two days before the meet the weather was perfect, the sun was shinning, it was hot and just a slight breeze was present. Practice the day before was perfect, and my persistent knee injury had basically disappeared. Come race day it was the same, I checked my phone for what the weather was suppose to be like and it shared a different story. From 6 till 9 thunder storms were in the forecast. It was hard to believe considering how beautiful it looked outside. I packed my rain gear none the less and headed to the track. Almost like clockwork, the rain came down. At 530 you could see and hear the storm in the distance. With the first strike of lightening the meet was postponed 30 minutes. Then with the second, then the third strike and the down pour of rain the unthinkable happened and the meet was called off. So much for a start to the NTL, next stop Vancouver.
Harry Jerome International Track Classic - July 1st, 2011
Third time is a charm, that being, this is year was my third time trying to get into this meet and finally I got in!! Harry Jerome is always a very competitive meet and the perfect place to run well. The track is beautiful, the competition is fierce and after the elongated rest from not running in Edmonton, the perfect place to race. After nationals I was still a little down, but in Vancouver I was feeling a little bit better. I drew lane one, which isn't always favorable, but it was perfect for me. Throughout the warm up my body and my mind were feeling good. The field was stacked, but I knew what I needed to do. This races was no ones but my own, no matter where I finished or what I ran I was "gonna do me" (as they say). I ran relaxed and calm, aggressive off the start, calm down the back. Others made their moves, but I kept to my own. Coming home I wasn't tired, I just pumped my arms and brought it home. I finished 5th, but the place didn't matter, the feeling is what mattered. I had gotten my confidence back, I knew I could do it still. I definitely had somethings to work on, but I lived to race another day. Next stop, Victoria.
Victoria International Track Classic - July 3, 2011
Victoria is probably one of the most beautiful parts of Canada, I swear. I was in Victoria in 2004 for Nationals, but I definitely didn't remember how beautiful it was. After taking the ferry over from Vancouver I settled into residence at the University of Victoria and prepared for my next race. I didn't go to the track, but I took a nice long walk to get the blood flowing. The focus for travel day was to rest and get ready to run. I was still feeling pretty good from the Harry Jerome meet so I was hoping to carry that over. Once again my warm up felt great, but something was different. Not in my body, but in my mind, my focus wasn't there. It was like my blinders were taken off and everything around me was flooding in. People were talking to me, I was talking to people. My warm up was flowing, but not with the same aggression and focus as two days prior. My race started off with a false start. My first start was great, hard and powerful and lots of drive. Once we got called back I tried to regroup myself. I figured the starter would give us 2 or 3 minutes to get ready, I figured wrong. As soon as the last girl made her way back, it was on to the races (pun very much intended). This race was very different from the last. I ran my own race, but it was all wrong. There was no attack, no aggression, it was flat and mundane. I made no moves anywhere, I just ran, nothing special, just one kinda fast pace all the way around. I finished fourth, kind of close to the time in Vancouver, but ran very wrong.
The Break
I headed back to Toronto for 3 days before starting the latter half of the circuit. This gave me a chance to talk to my coaches about the races thus far. We figured what I did good, and what I would change for the next couple races.
The NTL had two more meets on the schedule, Halifax then back to Toronto. Before those though, I made a little detour. There is a new world class facility in Moncton, from World Junior Championships in 2010. So before heading to Halifax we decided to go to Moncton first to squeeze in a race and put down a good time on the super fast track.
Moncton Hub City Classic - July 8th, 2011
All things with standing, Moncton's track was by far the best track I stepped on all season long. With that being said, things in Moncton did not exactly go as planned. Originally a couple of the other girls from the 4 x 400m relay were slated to come to Moncton as well and run an open 400. I guess that memo got lost as some point, and I was the only one who showed up. When one door closes, another door opens. My open door was an opportunity to rabbit an 800m race, and have hilarity ensued. Where to start....
I guess first off, when rabbiting a race the key it to get to the front then bring the runners through the first 400 in a set time. Set time for this race was 58 seconds for the first 400, got it. Secondly, I would probably be best if the rabbit did not false start at the beginning of the race, alrighty then.
Its probably been 5 or 6 years since I've had to do a standing start, so the start for this 800 felt very strange. On the starters command I came up to the line with great excitement, maybe too much excitement. As the starter waited for everyone to settle, I could feel myself falling over, and I couldn't stop it. I tried to clench my core to stop me from falling, but it was a futile attempt. I raised my hand, and everyone was called back. I couldn't help by laugh, great job Ese, way to almost false start. We try again, and this time with success. I take off at the sound of the gun, and as I do I attempt to hit the watch on my hand to help me with the pace. I hit once, I hit twice, I hit three times and miss each time! The whole while, the field of 800 meter runners get away from me. This rabbiting job is harder then I thought. I take off to catch up, and now I have to pass them. Coming off the curve everyone starts to cut in, and at this point I should be at the front. As the waterfall of girls cuts down to lane 1 its clear I am not in front. 'Oh Sh*t' is all I can think. I kick it up a notch, and haul ass to the front. Coming up to the first 200 I'm finally in the right spot, and now all I gotta do is bring it home, I settle into a pace which I think is right on. I look over my shoulder to make sure the girls are right there....and they are not. As I come down the home stretch I slow down the pace and hope that the girls catch up. As I cross the finish I step off the track and let them finish what I tried to start. Rabbiting was definitely harder then I thought it was gonna be, but in the end it was pretty fun, and everyone got a good laugh. On to Halifax.
Aileen Meagher International Track Classic - July 10th, 2011
After an entertaining stop in Moncton it was time to refocus and get back to business in Halifax. Last year I tried to get into the Aileen Meagher meet but they told me I wasn't 'fast enough', so it definitely felt nice to be invited this year. It was time to try and implement some of the things discussed on the break with my coaches and hope it pays off. Aggression was gonna be key to my race. So far my races have been passive and too comfortable. It was time to flip the table on my comfort zone and go after it. For this meet I stayed with some of the members of the 4 x 400m relay team. It was nice to get to know the other girls and talk to them and pick their brains about the 400, the relay and just life in general. It was refreshing to know that we are all basically in the same boat and all fighting and going after the same thing.
The race tactics for Halifax were to be more aggressive and not let anyone get away from me. I had mentally prepared to be in a lesser lane again, and I was ready to put my plan to action. Things have a way of not going as planned for me, instead of an inside lower lane, I was all the way in lane 6, the last possible lane. I wasn't prepared for this, but I tried to stay calm and stick to the plan. As I set my blocks all I that ran through my head was, 'don't let them go'. The gun went off and I took off hard, I powered through the first corner and came up tall on the back straight. I could hear someone coming up on me so I shifted another gear and tried to pull away. Coming into the second curve I knew I was moving, I was flying! Then something went horribly wrong.
I went from full sprint, to petty jog in no more then three strides. I hit the worst wall I've ever hit in my whole life. This wall was like no other. I couldn't lift my knees up if my life depended on it. I came off the corner and the last hundred meters looked like it went on for an eternity. I could hear everyone yelling crystal clear. My team mates tried to give me encouragement, but nothing was helping. Nothing would move, not my legs, not my arms, nothing. Slowly but surely I made it across the line in my slowest time in two years.
Most people would be incredibly discouraged after a run like that, and I definitely was. I wanted to throw something, I wanted to quit, I wanted to cry. There was so much going through my head I thought it was going to explode. As I tried to cool down my team mate approached me and told me what I did was brave. There was absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, I went for it and now all I have to do is learn from what I did.
That silver lining is always there, sometimes its hard to find, but its there.
Last stop, Toronto.
Toronto International Track and Field Games - July 13, 2011
By the time the last meet in the circuit rolls around I feel like my legs are going to fall off. I've ran so many races in the last couple weeks its getting ridiculous. For most of my team mates this is a big one, its at home and all their families are coming to watch. Not so much for me, but I'm still happy to be back in my bed. After Halifax my mood is so-so. I know the positives that came from the race, but it's still hard to swallow and forget all the negative. The fear of dying at the end of the race is still fresh, and I don't want it to happen again.
As I warm up I feel as though I'm just going through the motions at this point. Nothing feels sore or hurt, but I surely don't feel like a spring chicken. My race plan is still the same as it was in Halifax, just this time I'm going to control the back stretch a little better. As they walk us out I hear a couple friends in the stands yell my name which puts a little smile on my face. I set my blocks and it down to business. This is the last one I tell myself, just follow the plan and I'll be straight. Attack, stay calm and go.
After one practice start the official calls us in and its time to go. I feel okay, not great, but I know its almost over. One last race. Two very familiar commands, then the gun goes off. I feel myself react, just not as powerful as I would like it to be. I drive, but not as far as I should. I come off the corner and I'm in the mix, but I'd like to be closer. I stay calm and relaxed down the back and prepare to go again in the last 200. I pressed the button and nothing happens. I flick the switch and the light doesn't go on. I tell myself go, and I just stay the same. My legs have nothing left. I feel so flat. I want to go, I want to kick again but nothing happens.
In The End
When I first heard I would be competing in the NTL I pictured it playing out a lot different in my head. I pictured glory and success. I pictured runner personal bests every time I stepped on the track. I pictured autographs, pictures and flowers. In the end, the picture was a whole lot different.
After the last meet I was thoroughly disappointed in myself. I felt like every time I ran I just got worse and worse. I was embarrassed and felt like I just let everyone down. Funny how your emotions work sometime eh.
After settling down and putting some real perspective into what I had just done, I realized I may need to be a just a little easier on myself.
Between June 24th and July 13th I had ran 7 races. 7 races in 20 days, and some of those with only one days rest in between. Then throwing in traveling, (coast to coast), little to no treatment, jet lag, eating out...lets just say the conditions were not ideal, but I survived. I'm not making excuses, but when you put it all together, I guess I did ok :-)
This time last year I had only really raced the 400 twelve times...in my life. I'm still pretty new to this, so the circuit was a great experience. I have a lot of learning to do, so even though this picture didn't turn out the way I wanted it to, I still ended up with a pretty sweet print.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Faltered
Calgary, Alberta, the site of this years national championships, the place where I was gonna show everyone what I was made of. Eight months of training have been leading up to this event, finally my time to shine.
Everything doesn’t always go the way you plan, things happen. I was suppose to come in an under dog and come out a contender. It was suppose to be my time to put it all out there.
The practices before my heat felt good, my knee was bothering me, but I told myself it would be fine by race day. Race day came and the pain had not gone away. Throughout my warm up I felt the pain which had been plaguing me for the past two weeks. I tried to put it behind me and not let it get in my way. Clouds filled the sky as I warmed up, rain began to fall and the temperature dropped. I continued to warm up and tried to not let anything, or anyone phase me. As I see my competitors warm up the ever so famous butterflies show up in my stomach. My head begins to fill with doubt, I know these girls are faster, and I get scared. I try to keep my head up but the nerves are taking over. As much as I try to stay positive, bouts of negative stream through my head.
The sky begins to clear, its time to check in to the warm up tent. As I sit there I try to put on my brave face, but my nerves are obvious to everyone around me.
It doesn’t go as planned, I didn’t put it all out there, I had not come out a contender. When my heat was all said and done, I had run my slowest time of the year. Nothing clicked, it had all gone wrong. My nerves had gotten the best of me. My blocks weren’t right, my race plan wasn’t right, my mind wasn’t right. I wasn’t the confident strong Ese who had been training for this moment for the last eight months. When it was all over, I wasn’t tired, I wasn’t sore, nothing hurt…physically. As the second heat finished it was clear, I wasn’t in the final. 9th place.
At no point did I ever think I wasn’t going to make the final, that thought had never crossed my mind. 9th place. It hurt so much, it made me numb. I was in such disbelief, it almost felt like it didn’t really happen.
Old me would have cried. Old me would have hid. Old me would have wanted to quit right there and then. New me is better than that.
This wasn’t the end, this wasn’t a failure, it was a life lesson. My performance at nationals left the most bitter taste in my mouth, a taste I will never forget.
Everything doesn’t always go the way you plan, things happen. I was suppose to come in an under dog and come out a contender. It was suppose to be my time to put it all out there.
The practices before my heat felt good, my knee was bothering me, but I told myself it would be fine by race day. Race day came and the pain had not gone away. Throughout my warm up I felt the pain which had been plaguing me for the past two weeks. I tried to put it behind me and not let it get in my way. Clouds filled the sky as I warmed up, rain began to fall and the temperature dropped. I continued to warm up and tried to not let anything, or anyone phase me. As I see my competitors warm up the ever so famous butterflies show up in my stomach. My head begins to fill with doubt, I know these girls are faster, and I get scared. I try to keep my head up but the nerves are taking over. As much as I try to stay positive, bouts of negative stream through my head.
The sky begins to clear, its time to check in to the warm up tent. As I sit there I try to put on my brave face, but my nerves are obvious to everyone around me.
It doesn’t go as planned, I didn’t put it all out there, I had not come out a contender. When my heat was all said and done, I had run my slowest time of the year. Nothing clicked, it had all gone wrong. My nerves had gotten the best of me. My blocks weren’t right, my race plan wasn’t right, my mind wasn’t right. I wasn’t the confident strong Ese who had been training for this moment for the last eight months. When it was all over, I wasn’t tired, I wasn’t sore, nothing hurt…physically. As the second heat finished it was clear, I wasn’t in the final. 9th place.
At no point did I ever think I wasn’t going to make the final, that thought had never crossed my mind. 9th place. It hurt so much, it made me numb. I was in such disbelief, it almost felt like it didn’t really happen.
Old me would have cried. Old me would have hid. Old me would have wanted to quit right there and then. New me is better than that.
This wasn’t the end, this wasn’t a failure, it was a life lesson. My performance at nationals left the most bitter taste in my mouth, a taste I will never forget.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Fine Tuning
With only two weeks until nationals it’s time to put into play what I’ve been practicing. I’ve got two raced under my belt, both of which were run very differently. I’m still in the process of learning how exactly to run the 400, but I feel like I’m slowly starting to get it. In watching some of my races from last year around this time, I look like a completely different person. I spend quite a bit of time watching not only my film, but also videos of people who are where I want to be. When I watch others run they make it look so effortless and easy…when I run it, not so much. I know once I learn how to run like them, my times will drop like hot cakes. I’ve already taken off two seconds from my personal best, and I know more is in the tank. I have yet to feel tired at the end of a race, I just gotta go out there and leave it all on the track.
This weekend is my last meet before nationals. I’m currently ranked 4th in the 400m and in order for anything else to happen this summer, I need to finish in the top 3 at nationals. The girls ahead of my are running fast, so the only thing I need to do now is run faster.
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